First of all, I want to thank everyone for your comments on my last post!! I've really missed you all and you all made me feel so happy to be back!!!
As we get closer and closer to our due date, I find myself feeling wistful and sad at the thought of not being pregnant anymore. I absolutely cannot wait for this little girl to be here, and, in many ways, can't relax until she is here and I know she safe and healthy. But, I have truly enjoyed being pregnant. I love the little secret world that only she and I live in, where she tells me when she's awake, hungry, enjoying the munchkins I'm eating, etc....! Part of me isn't ready to share that with anyone else. Plus, poor thing, I feel bad that she has to go from munchkins to formula!!
But, that's not the only separation anxiety I'm dealing with. Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction. Basically, my pelvic bones are separating, causing pain when my legs are uneven, such as walking, climbing stairs, getting in and out of the car, turning over in bed, etc.... Honestly, it's not too bad, more annoying. I started maternity leave this past Tuesday (yea!!!!) and, how ironic, that's the day this was diagnosed. I have a bunch of things - both inside and outside the house - I'm trying to get done, and this is just making it all a little more difficult.
But, it's really not too bad, at least not yet, and, I'm so close to delivering that, hopefully, it won't have time to get really bad!
The most important thing is that it, in now way, impacts the baby. She's doing great!!! The doctor this week said that she's so happy in there that she might come out in April, maybe May! But, she's getting ready. When they check my cervix (which isn't doing anything yet), they tell me that they can feel her head. Her head!!! We're just in a waiting game now!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Why I haven't been blogging...
The easy answer? I really don't know. I just haven't been doing it.
The more complicated answer? In a way, I kind of feel like I don't belong anywhere.
Glenn keeps reminding me that it's been a long time since I've written anything, which prompted me to really think about what's going on and why I haven't. And, I realized that I guess I just don't know what to talk about.
Let me explain. While I started this blog to be more than a chronicle of my infertility struggle, that's what it predominately became. And, that's OK. That was, for a long time, the main thing in my life that I found relief in writing about.
Then, after 8 IVF attempts, we finally found ourselves pregnant. And, I made a big deal of saying that, since that was what was going on in my life, I was going to continue writing, and, likely, about my pregnancy, especially my feelings about a donor egg pregnancy.
So, what happened? I guess I feel like I'm stuck between these two worlds - the world of infertility and the world of pregnancy. Infertility is and always will be a part of my life, but, I worry that, writing about my continued struggles with it will appear, I don't know, fake to those still in the trenches.
And, then there's being pregnant. So, here goes. I'll just say it. I LOVE being pregnant - likely because I've been BLESSED with a really easy pregnancy. I mean, really, really easy. No morning sickness. No bleeding. No weight gain. No swelling. No gestational diabetes. No scares. None.
So, I worry that the women still struggling with infertility won't want to hear about my continued struggles while I'm carrying a baby, something they long for. And I worry that the pregnant women, especially those who have struggled through their pregnancies, won't want to hear about my easy pregnancy (I mean, really, can you blame them??).
So, there it is. And, I hope that, by looking inside myself, analyzing my feelings, and putting them out there, I can now get past them and get back to blogging because, really, now that I'm writing this tonight, I realize how much I miss it!!
Now, I have a lot of blog reading to catch up on!
The more complicated answer? In a way, I kind of feel like I don't belong anywhere.
Glenn keeps reminding me that it's been a long time since I've written anything, which prompted me to really think about what's going on and why I haven't. And, I realized that I guess I just don't know what to talk about.
Let me explain. While I started this blog to be more than a chronicle of my infertility struggle, that's what it predominately became. And, that's OK. That was, for a long time, the main thing in my life that I found relief in writing about.
Then, after 8 IVF attempts, we finally found ourselves pregnant. And, I made a big deal of saying that, since that was what was going on in my life, I was going to continue writing, and, likely, about my pregnancy, especially my feelings about a donor egg pregnancy.
So, what happened? I guess I feel like I'm stuck between these two worlds - the world of infertility and the world of pregnancy. Infertility is and always will be a part of my life, but, I worry that, writing about my continued struggles with it will appear, I don't know, fake to those still in the trenches.
And, then there's being pregnant. So, here goes. I'll just say it. I LOVE being pregnant - likely because I've been BLESSED with a really easy pregnancy. I mean, really, really easy. No morning sickness. No bleeding. No weight gain. No swelling. No gestational diabetes. No scares. None.
So, I worry that the women still struggling with infertility won't want to hear about my continued struggles while I'm carrying a baby, something they long for. And I worry that the pregnant women, especially those who have struggled through their pregnancies, won't want to hear about my easy pregnancy (I mean, really, can you blame them??).
So, there it is. And, I hope that, by looking inside myself, analyzing my feelings, and putting them out there, I can now get past them and get back to blogging because, really, now that I'm writing this tonight, I realize how much I miss it!!
Now, I have a lot of blog reading to catch up on!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Radiating - the good and the bad
Bad radiating - when your husband has a nuclear stress test and you have to be apart for 2 weeks because he is "radiating" nuclear waves and it's dangerous for your unborn baby!
Bad radiating - when everyone else in a room is cold and you think they should sit next to you because you are so hot you must be radiating heat!
GOOD RADIATING - when the woman sitting next to you in the restaurant wishes you luck with the baby and says that she is a delivery room nurse and knew you were pregnant looking at your face because you are radiating and glowing!
Bad radiating - when everyone else in a room is cold and you think they should sit next to you because you are so hot you must be radiating heat!
GOOD RADIATING - when the woman sitting next to you in the restaurant wishes you luck with the baby and says that she is a delivery room nurse and knew you were pregnant looking at your face because you are radiating and glowing!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
I am miserable
Women complain during pregnancy. It's a fact. One I have absolutely no problem with. Many women who have experienced IF feel that, once I get pregnant, I'll happily contend with all discomforts and, by gosh, I won't complain about them! Eh, I don't really agree with this. Doesn't matter to me how you got pregnant - if something is bothering you, by all means, complain away! It's your right!
That said, I have been so blessed to have an easy pregnancy (please, please knock on some wood for me!), so, I haven't really had much to complain about.
But, now I'm going to complain, although, pregnancy is only remotely related to this. I have a cold! Yep, I'm devoting a whole blog post to a stupid cold!
But, this is no ordinary cold. I am now going on day 12 of this monster. I have been in the office one day in the last nine. I even missed going to services for Yom Kippur. And, while it's finally bearable during the day, my nights are miserable! As you may recall, Glenn and I are still required to sleep separately for a few more days, which has really worked to his advantage because I am a monster at night. I have a terrible post-nasal drip that, at night, becomes awful chest congestion. I lay down and I start to convulse and choke and cough and cannot catch my breath. It's almost scary how ferociously I'm coughing (my whole abdomen hurts even to move). I keep worrying I'm going to cough so hard my water will break! I know it's completely irrational to think this, but, when you're awake at 3 in the morning for the 8th night in a row, well, who know why the mind thinks what it thinks. Any little sleep I get is in the seated position, and it's not much.
So, how is this related to pregnancy? Well, it limits what I can take. For the first week, I suffered with nothing but cough drops. I saw both the high risk and OB this week and both told me to start taking Robitussin. Helps during the day, but, you can't control the cough when you're choking from mucous overload at night (I know, TMI).
Good news is that it's clearly not the flu. No fever. No aches. Just a bad, bad cold. I just wish it would start to break up so I could get a decent night of sleep. My GP doesn't want to put me on an antibiotic, but, has agreed to see me Monday or Tuesday if it's not any better by then.
Also on the good news front, as I said, I saw both doctors this week and baby girl is doing great! On Tuesday, at 29 weeks, she was already estimated to be 3 pounds 7 ounces and was measuring a week ahead!! Oh, but I failed the 1 hour glucose test again, so, now I have to repeat the 3 hour. Hopefully I'll kick this cold soon so I can go do it this week.
I can't believe I am breathing down the neck of 30 weeks....even if that breathing includes some nasty coughing!!!
That said, I have been so blessed to have an easy pregnancy (please, please knock on some wood for me!), so, I haven't really had much to complain about.
But, now I'm going to complain, although, pregnancy is only remotely related to this. I have a cold! Yep, I'm devoting a whole blog post to a stupid cold!
But, this is no ordinary cold. I am now going on day 12 of this monster. I have been in the office one day in the last nine. I even missed going to services for Yom Kippur. And, while it's finally bearable during the day, my nights are miserable! As you may recall, Glenn and I are still required to sleep separately for a few more days, which has really worked to his advantage because I am a monster at night. I have a terrible post-nasal drip that, at night, becomes awful chest congestion. I lay down and I start to convulse and choke and cough and cannot catch my breath. It's almost scary how ferociously I'm coughing (my whole abdomen hurts even to move). I keep worrying I'm going to cough so hard my water will break! I know it's completely irrational to think this, but, when you're awake at 3 in the morning for the 8th night in a row, well, who know why the mind thinks what it thinks. Any little sleep I get is in the seated position, and it's not much.
So, how is this related to pregnancy? Well, it limits what I can take. For the first week, I suffered with nothing but cough drops. I saw both the high risk and OB this week and both told me to start taking Robitussin. Helps during the day, but, you can't control the cough when you're choking from mucous overload at night (I know, TMI).
Good news is that it's clearly not the flu. No fever. No aches. Just a bad, bad cold. I just wish it would start to break up so I could get a decent night of sleep. My GP doesn't want to put me on an antibiotic, but, has agreed to see me Monday or Tuesday if it's not any better by then.
Also on the good news front, as I said, I saw both doctors this week and baby girl is doing great! On Tuesday, at 29 weeks, she was already estimated to be 3 pounds 7 ounces and was measuring a week ahead!! Oh, but I failed the 1 hour glucose test again, so, now I have to repeat the 3 hour. Hopefully I'll kick this cold soon so I can go do it this week.
I can't believe I am breathing down the neck of 30 weeks....even if that breathing includes some nasty coughing!!!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Um, important things you should be told!
Glenn had a repeat nuclear stress test yesterday. Everything is fine!! Well, almost everything.
We use a hospital in NYC for his procedures. While he was in the test, I was in the lobby working. When I realized that he was much later than we thought he would be, I packed up my laptop and headed up to the cath lab. I inquired as to his status and the admitting nurse went to check. She came back and told me he was waiting and asked if I wanted to go back and wait with him. I said OK. Then, and thank goodness I was wearing something that made me look pregnant (because I often still don't look it at all) she asked me if I'm pregnant. When I said that I am, she told me that I can't be around him! Whhhaaattt???
I called his cardiologist and didn't get a straight answer out of him (who, by the way, knew I was pregnant). I called my OB and they didn't know how long we needed to apart, but, did say I couldn't be near him. Finally, I called my dad (my parents were our saviours yesterday!!), who, luckily, had just left work in the city and he came over so he could drive Glenn home. When Glenn was done with the test, he met with the doctor reviewing the results (not his doctor), who told him that, if he had known I was pregnant, he wouldn't have performed it!
He basically explained that, in 72 hours, 50% of the radiation will be out of his body. 72 hours after that, 50% of what remains will be out, and so on. He said that, to be safe, they would like to see 5 cycles of that happen before he can be in close contact with me, so, for the next two weeks, I can't be within 3 feet of my husband, which includes sleeping in the same bed!!
After the initial shock, I found the humor in this, but, now, I'm past that and I'm just furious!! What if this nurse didn't pick up on me being pregnant? How could his cardiologist order this test? How could the hospital perform it? Shouldn't there be an inquiry into whether the patient has a pregnant immediate family member as part of their standard questioning???
Now, there are definitely conflicting opinions on how much radiation he got and how long we really need to be apart. But, a cardiologist at one of the top NYC hospitals told us 2 weeks to be on the safe side, and well, we've come too far to risk not listening to him.
We use a hospital in NYC for his procedures. While he was in the test, I was in the lobby working. When I realized that he was much later than we thought he would be, I packed up my laptop and headed up to the cath lab. I inquired as to his status and the admitting nurse went to check. She came back and told me he was waiting and asked if I wanted to go back and wait with him. I said OK. Then, and thank goodness I was wearing something that made me look pregnant (because I often still don't look it at all) she asked me if I'm pregnant. When I said that I am, she told me that I can't be around him! Whhhaaattt???
I called his cardiologist and didn't get a straight answer out of him (who, by the way, knew I was pregnant). I called my OB and they didn't know how long we needed to apart, but, did say I couldn't be near him. Finally, I called my dad (my parents were our saviours yesterday!!), who, luckily, had just left work in the city and he came over so he could drive Glenn home. When Glenn was done with the test, he met with the doctor reviewing the results (not his doctor), who told him that, if he had known I was pregnant, he wouldn't have performed it!
He basically explained that, in 72 hours, 50% of the radiation will be out of his body. 72 hours after that, 50% of what remains will be out, and so on. He said that, to be safe, they would like to see 5 cycles of that happen before he can be in close contact with me, so, for the next two weeks, I can't be within 3 feet of my husband, which includes sleeping in the same bed!!
After the initial shock, I found the humor in this, but, now, I'm past that and I'm just furious!! What if this nurse didn't pick up on me being pregnant? How could his cardiologist order this test? How could the hospital perform it? Shouldn't there be an inquiry into whether the patient has a pregnant immediate family member as part of their standard questioning???
Now, there are definitely conflicting opinions on how much radiation he got and how long we really need to be apart. But, a cardiologist at one of the top NYC hospitals told us 2 weeks to be on the safe side, and well, we've come too far to risk not listening to him.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Anthems
OK, you know it's bad when your husband says "hey, you haven't posted on your blog in a long time"!!
I have no excuse. I sit down to write something and other things just creep up and I never get back here.
So, to update, all is good here! I passed my 3 hour glucose test, so, no gestational diabetes! I lost another 2 pounds, but, I think the tide is beginning to turn on that and I expect to be up a couple of pounds at next week's OB appointment. Speaking of next week, I officially enter the third trimester on Tuesday!!! Holy cow - how the heck did that happen???
Work is really, really busy, so I don't have time to write a lot. But, I've had this song going through my head for weeks now. I guess, for me, it's my little "pregnant after years of infertility hell" anthem, so, I thought I'd share it.
I Made it Through the Rain
Barry Manilow
We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive
We keep the feelings warm
Protect them from the storm
Until our time arrives
Then one day the sun appears
And we come shining through those lonely years
I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through
When friends are hard to find
And life seems so unkind
Sometimes you feel so afraid
Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade
'Cause when I chased my fears away
That's when I knew that I could finally say
I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through
So, do you have an anthem for something that has happened or is happening in your life?
I have no excuse. I sit down to write something and other things just creep up and I never get back here.
So, to update, all is good here! I passed my 3 hour glucose test, so, no gestational diabetes! I lost another 2 pounds, but, I think the tide is beginning to turn on that and I expect to be up a couple of pounds at next week's OB appointment. Speaking of next week, I officially enter the third trimester on Tuesday!!! Holy cow - how the heck did that happen???
Work is really, really busy, so I don't have time to write a lot. But, I've had this song going through my head for weeks now. I guess, for me, it's my little "pregnant after years of infertility hell" anthem, so, I thought I'd share it.
I Made it Through the Rain
Barry Manilow
We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive
We keep the feelings warm
Protect them from the storm
Until our time arrives
Then one day the sun appears
And we come shining through those lonely years
I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through
When friends are hard to find
And life seems so unkind
Sometimes you feel so afraid
Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade
'Cause when I chased my fears away
That's when I knew that I could finally say
I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through
So, do you have an anthem for something that has happened or is happening in your life?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Shopping is fun!
As I said in my last post, we found and ordered nursery furniture!! Of course, since then, I've been worried again about something going wrong, but, I'll elaborate on that later. But, for now, I've decided that I'm not going to let my fears stop me!
My mom, aunt, and I went shopping two weeks ago and had an absolutely wonderful time!! My mom made it very clear, way before we were pregnant, that she and my dad wanted to buy the nursery furniture when the time came. Who could turn down an offer like that? LOL, seriously, Glenn and I are so very grateful to my parents for this and for all that they do for us (while we were out shopping, my dad was helping Glenn and his brother hang shelves to set-up our home office in our basement - OK, let's be real here, Glenn and his brother were watching my dad do it!!).
A few weeks ago, my aunt asked if I was going to put a rocker of some kind in the room and, if so, she wanted to buy that for us. Seriously, how lucky can a girl be to have family like this??!!
So, off we went, with a list of places to go. Well, it took all of one stop and we found everything we wanted!
The furniture is from Ragazzi's Mirella collection and I absolutely love it!!!
And, this is the chair. It's a glider recliner and will be very close to the raspberry color below, with a sort of a pink on pink texture and no piping.
Per Jewish custom, we will not have anything delivered to the house until after she's born, but, I cannot wait to see it all together!!
As I said, it was such a lovely day for my mom and aunt and I to share. Thank you so much mom and dad and Aunt Shelly!!
Unfortunately, a certain individual gave us a lot of grief at the end of the day for not being included in the decisions around what furniture would be in MY daughter's room in MY house (for the record, while my mom and aunt gave their opinions, it was my decision) and, although I firmly believe that there was absolutely no reason for this person to be involved and I don't feel guilty for not including her, she somehow managed to make the day end on a very sour note for me.
Oh well.....I can't please everyone (although I keep trying....).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
